There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you meet them to change your life or you’re the one that will change theirs.

As I navigate through life, I now, realize at the age of 46, that, if you have just one really good friend in this lifetime life, well, then you should consider yourself blessed and lucky. A single truly good friend, someone who understands you, supports you unconditionally, and stands by you, through both joy and hardship-is rare and deeply valuable. Quality almost always outweighs quantity when it comes to meaningful relationships, especially friendships.

So, what do you do when you think a friendship is over? Do you even know the signs to look for? Do you know the reasons why it even ended in the first place? How do you move on in your life from it?  

What should you do when a friendship is over?

Well, first you have to identify that it is, in fact, over. You’ll know that it is in fact over, because you will feel it. You will feel it all around you. You will feel it in your soul. You can feel it in the air. You will know it in your heart. You will just know. Trust in your body, for it will never guide you in a wrong direction. The body always knows every time. “It hurt because it mattered.” –John Green

I think that if you are finding yourself going through this in your life right now, with a once, really good friend, that you should first allow yourself to feel the emotions. Feel the emotions that come along with the loss. You have to allow yourself to feel the grief that comes along with letting them go. Allowing yourself to go through the emotions of knowing a friendship is over, is a deeply personal and often painful process, but it’s also a vital part of healing. The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained.

Here’s how you might heal:

1. Acknowledge the Loss-It’s okay to grieve. Friendships, especially close ones, shape who we are. When they end, it can feel like losing a part of yourself.
2. Feel everything-Let yourself feel sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief. Suppressing emotions often prolongs the pain. Journaling or talking with someone you trust can help process these feelings.
3. Reflect without blame-Try to understand what happened without assigning all the fault to yourself or the other person. Sometimes friendships fade naturally due to growth and change.
4. Honor the good moments: Just because it ended doesn’t mean it wasn’t meaningful. Cherishing the positive memories can help bring closure.
5. Set boundaries if needed-if the friendship ended with conflict or hurt, it’s okay to distance yourself to protect your emotional well-being.
6. Allow space for healing: There’s no timeline for moving on. Healing happens gradually, and that’s perfectly normal.
7. Stay open to new connections-This isn’t about replacing someone, but allowing new, possibly healthier relationships to form.

Another thought you might have, is, can a friendship end because the friend that you were once friends with, just might be unhappy in their own life, and therefore, you are a trigger for them?

Well, the answer is yes, absolutely. Friendships can end for that very reason. When someone is deeply unhappy in their own life, seeing someone else, (their friend) doing well (or even just appearing emotionally balanced) can unintentionally act as a trigger. This can create feelings of resentment, inadequacy, jealousy, even if the friend doesn’t consciously blame you or want you to feel that way. The moment your friend ceases to share their complications with you, know that is the moment you lost your prime place in their hearts.

They might begin to withdrawal, act distant or even hostile-not necessarily because you’ve done anything wrong, but because your presence reminds them of what they lack, don’t have or can’t cope with in their own life.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”-Maya Angelou

Maybe, they see something in your life that you have and they want to have that in their own life, but can’t. And here’s why they will never admit it out loud to themselves, because then it becomes real, right, if they say it out loud. And so, when we voice things out loud we have to then do something about them, because they become brought to life. Saying out loud what it is that is making them unhappy in their own life aloud gives it life, gives it truth, gives it meaning. So, having to then do something about it, by making a big change that could potentially disrupt their life, might be something that they don’t want to admit to or can’t admit to. Thus, they are not willing to give up what they have, to make the necessary changes in order to be truly happy. It’s all based around fear.

“Friendship that can cease has never been real.”-St. Jerome

So, consequently they push the feeling down inside of them, stifle them and silence them and put them out of their mind and will continue to stay stuck in the unhappiness of their life. Why?

Because, this is called cognitive dissonance and so, once you express a desire, belief or feeling out loud to yourself, not acting on it creates an uncomfortable inconsistency between your words and your behavior. Your brain wants to resolve that discomfort-often by motivating actions.

In such cases, the friendship can become strained and eventually breaks down, especially if the underlying emotions aren’t addressed openly. So, don’t worry, it is nothing that you did wrong. It’s not about you, it’s about them and their own stuff.

“Sometimes the hardest part of friendship is accepting that it’s over.”-Unknown

What if you are wondering, well, what are the signs to look for in a friend that indicates the friendship is in fact truly over.

These are the classic signs:

1. One-sided effort: You’re the only one reaching out, making plans, or showing interest in keeping the connection alive.
2. Avoidance: They consistently avoid spending time with you or cancel plans repeatedly without rescheduling.
3. Lack of communication: Conversations become infrequent, surface-based, or feel forced and uncomfortable.
4. Emotional distance: You no longer feel safe or supported when sharing personal things with them.
5. Negativity or resentment: The dynamic feels more draining than uplifting, with more criticism, judgement, or passive-aggression.
6. Communication: When you text them, they take a really long time to text back and when they do, they will say that they forgot or they don’t text you back at all. They won’t like your posts on Facebook or other social media platforms. Maybe they might even unfriend you or block you.
7. Changed values or lifestyles: Your lives have gone in different directions, and you no longer relate to or respect each other’s choices.
8. Time: They never make time for you anymore, you are no longer someone that they truly value anymore so therefore they won’t make time for you.
9. When something really critical happens in your life: For an example, if you are in the hospital, they will not contact family members to see if you are okay and will never go to see you or check in on you. They disappear when you’re struggling or need support. They resurface when things are going well for you-or for them. But they aren’t anywhere to be found when you are going through difficult times in life.
10. Trust is broken: There’s been betrayal, dishonesty, or consistent unreliability that hasn’t been repaired.
11. 11. They no longer celebrate your wins (or vice versa): A lack of mutual support or even jealousy over your achievements or what you have in your life.
12. You’re happier without them: You feel more at peace or authentic when they’re not around.
13. You’ve outgrown each other: Sometimes friendships simply run their course with time, maturity, or change.
14. Everything is one sided: You are always the one to make the effort, but the other is not. You are always doing and giving to them and they don’t reciprocate. They are selfish in essence.
15. Changes in behavior: A friend’s behavior changes significantly, causing you to drift apart.
16. No emotional support: You no longer feel supported or understood by each other.
17. Feeling drained: Interactions leave you feeling exhausted, stressed, or unhappy.
18. You feel relieved: You feel a sense of relief when you’re not together or communicating.

So why did it end? It could be many things that could lead up to the fall out. Just know it’s not you, it’s them.  That kind of affirmation-recognizing that someone else’s actions reflect their own struggles not only within themselves but their life, not your worth-is powerful and often necessary for healing.

“Sometimes the person you’d take a bullet for ends up being the one behind the gun.”-Taylor Swift

How do we move on in life from it?

I think that the best advice that I could give someone on this topic, is to just accept that some friends are temporary. Not every friend you have is meant to stay in your life. There is a saying that goes something like this, people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. It’s the truth, really. This can be the hardest truth: not everyone is meant to stay forever. Sometimes people grow apart, and that doesn’t mean the connection wasn’t ever real or valuable. It just means it wasn’t meant to be for a lifetime. I would also advise that you don’t rush the healing process because some friendships take longer to get over than romantic relationships. Feel all of the emotions that you need to feel in order to process it and then release it, so that you can move on with your life. Give yourself the grace you’d give to a close friend going through this.

“If someone comes into your life and has a positive impact on you, be thankful that your paths crossed. And even if they can’t stay for some reason, be thankful that somehow they once brought joy to your life, even if it was just for a short while. Life is change. People come and go, some stay, some don’t and that’s okay. Remember the good times, cherish them and smile that is happened and then let them go.”

-Attitude to Inspiration

“And in the end, what truly matters, is the people who stand beside you when life gets heavy. The ones who show up when you need them the most. The ones who whisper, we’ve got this, when the road gets tough. It’s about those who notice when your light dims, who reach out when your silence speaks louder than words. The ones you’d rather sit with in quiet comfort than fill the space with small talk. The ones who see through your “I’m okay” and gently call you on it. The ones who remember your coffee order-and when you need it the most. The ones who send a simple thinking of you text on days that feel hard.

It’s about the people who see you. The people who care quietly but deeply. The people who stay-no matter what.” –Daksh Jindal

If you are experiencing this now in your life, know you are not alone, and healing takes time, but growth often begins where endings leave off. Often, we learn the most about ourselves through loss-what we value, what we need in relationships, and how we want to show up for others and ourselves going forward. This can eventually lead to deeper, healthier friendships in the future.

“If my absence doesn’t affect your life then my presence has no meaning to it.”-Unknown

So, even if it feels heavy now, this moment can be a turning point-not just an end, but the beginning of something new in your journey through life.

I love all of my friends. They each individually bring something unique and meaningful into my life: one makes me laugh until I can’t breathe, another listens without judgement, one inspires me with their determination, one graces me with their deep meaningful soul connecting talks, and others show me what loyalty, creativity, and kindness truly looks like.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this piece on friendship as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you liked it and have something to share, please feel free to leave me a comment below and don’t forget to subscribe!

Love,

Fran Martin xoxox