By: Fran Martin

Therapy. What is it exactly? By definition it is treatment intended to relieve or heal a disorder. What kinds of therapy are there out there in the world? Among the more common types of therapy are: Psychoanalysis and psychodynamic therapies. Cognitive-behavioral therapy. Dialectical-behavior therapy. Family or group therapy. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. Marriage therapy and child therapy.

Why do people go to therapists even?

Everyone is different, and has unique problems. But there are certain common threads of human psychology that stand out as almost universal. Psychotherapy patients tend to present with variations of the following issues, and it can, therefore, be useful to look at them from a broader perspective.

Feeling “different” from friends and family. Many people don’t think that their partners, friends, parents, siblings, kids, etc., understand them. They believe they are fundamentally different from the people that they’ve surrounded themselves with. Remember: You are not alone. Many people feel that way. It’s normal to be different. And it is worth exploring.

Feeling alone in our thoughts and reporting a sense of isolation and loneliness. Maybe there’s a theme here. Our thoughts can do this to us. If we keep them to ourselves and treat them as facts, our thoughts might seem “crazy” or isolating or overwhelming. But if you can take a step back and acknowledge that a thought is just a thought, and not a fact, you might be able to remove yourself from this isolation. This is the beginning of cognitive restructuring, a central tenet of cognitive-behavioral therapy.

Wanting to think positively, but being unaware of the obstacles that keep us grounded in negative thinking. Unfortunately, telling yourself to “be positive” or “choose to be happy” isn’t going to be enough to effect change. It might be a start for some people, but there also may be greater obstacles to tackle.

Are you avoiding activities or people that cause you to feel these negative thoughts? Or avoiding time with those that cause you to compare yourself to them? Avoidance only increases the extent to which you view these thoughts as true and powerful.

Another example: Are you in a relationship with someone who emphasizes these thoughts, or someone who emphasizes the flaws that cause you to get into that mindset? There may be external and internal factors to consider.

Experiencing self-doubt. We all think, feel, and behave in the same way. The only thing that’s different is how we put together those pieces of who we are. Everyone has doubts about themselves. Everyone has the thought, “Wow, maybe I’m not as good at this as I thought I was,” or “Maybe I did a bad job there.”

And guess what? We all make mistakes. Sometimes you do a bad job. The difference is how we treat these thoughts, and what we do behaviorally to increase positive thoughts and positive mood states at the same time. Do you isolate yourself after something bad happens? Or do you seek out someone to talk to or engage in an activity you know will boost your mood?

Avoiding negative feelings, rather than spending time getting curious about them and what they may be telling us. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could go through life and never feel sad? Unfortunately, our brains aren’t wired that way, and if you think about it, how would you know what it was like to be happy if you never felt sad?

Feelings are important for a number of reasons, one of which is that they are information for us. Feelings guide us. If you feel sad after getting rejected from a job, it tells you that you wanted the job or that you care about your career. If you feel worried about your partner after they spend three straight days at work, it tells you that this behavior is abnormal and that something else might be happening.

Ignoring feelings like these won’t get you anywhere, but addressing them, and asking yourself what they mean might help.

I love therapy. I love it so much that I think that everybody in the world should go to a therapist. I believe that it is good to have a therapist. I have a therapist, my husband has his own therapist, my son has his own therapist and my husband and I have a marriage therapist. You can never have enough therapy. I think that it is good to have another human being who doesn’t initially know you be able to help guide you along your journey in life and equip you with tools to do so.

I have seen many therapist in throughout my life and I had two that stand out to me. The first one is Dr. Ree Gunter, PHD is a clinical psychologist in Danbury, CT her practice is at 15 North St Danbury, CT 06810. (203) 730-8775. Se takes insurance. She was the first female therapist that I ever had that I was able to really connect on a profound emotional level. She helped through some really tough times in my life. I started seeing her right after I had little Jason and I had severe postpartum depression and anxiety. she helped me when I was teaching at Danbury Public schools. She had a way of always making you feel heard and that everything was going to be okay when you left her. I always looked forward to seeing her every week. She was able to help me a lot and I will forever be grateful to her for listening to me and giving me solid tools to help myself and just listening when I know she was tired. Its exhausting to be a therapist because you not only have to deal with your own problems but you have to deal with multiple peoples problems too and so I am grateful to her for that. Therapists need their own therapist as part of their practices to remain emotionally healthy to be able to deal with other peoples problems effectively. Some people are surprised when they hear that as a therapist, I also have my own therapist. I think there’s a misconception that therapists should have their relational and emotional lives in order. Therapists are people too. We’re human, we’re flawed, we have blind spots. If anything, I’d be wary of therapists who have never seen a therapist or feel they don’t need their own.

I continued to go to Dr. Ree Gunter until I needed to be placed at Blue Sky’s she was the one who found the place for me. Blue Sky’s Behavioral Health Treatment Center located at 52 Federal Rd Ste 2A Danbury, CT 06810 (844) 852-7611 they take most insurances.

Well as time past and I continued to go to Blue Sky’s and see my therapist Dr. Moore I decided that I was going to write him a letter of gratitude to say thank you to him for all that he does for me.

To A Man By The Name of Dr. Moore,

I have started to compile a list of people that I am going to write letters to and I will be letting each of them know how they have impacted my life and what they mean to me. This is my first letter and it is going to you. It has been a full year since I started my self-care journey here at Blue Sky’s. You were the first person that I met, little did I know that you were going to be the person who would indicate whether or not I would be a good match for Blue Sky’s Behavioral Health-and little did I know that you were also going to be my therapist. Looking back on it all, I have to tell you that I will be forever grateful to you. You have taught me so much about how critical it is to take care of yourself first before others and you are still continuing to teach me this. You have taught me how to live my best life possible. I came to you when I was broken and at a loss as to how I was going to get my life back. I feel saved, blessed and gratitude towards you and your guidance, your teachings, compassion, understanding, empathy, and kindness-these gifts that you have given to me are priceless, sacred and can never be replaced.  I feel that I have learned so many invaluable lessons from you-like how to live in the present moment, being grateful for everything you have, showing gratitude every chance you get even if something doesn’t go your way, how to look at the blessings that are all around you, staying positive and trying not to take anything in life too seriously, how to set boundaries, to relax-breathe, to find God’s grace in every mistake, to be confident in myself and be comfortable with me being me, to have a clear understanding of things and a clear perspective of them, to let go of the past and ones that have hurt me, how to forgive and let the anger go, to give more than I take, to do what is important and meaningful to me-letting me know that everything is going to be okay and that it’s okay, telling me that I am a good mother, a good teacher- teaching me how to start loving myself and take care of me for once. I do not think that any of this should go unnoticed because you have given me all of these precious gifts. You have given me the ability to look inwards into myself, me and who I am as a human being- to figure out what I want for myself. I feel happy and at peace in life for once.

I could never repay you for what you have done but I will pay it forward and help others along my journey here on Earth and give of myself the way you have given to me. I think you are extremely talented, gifted in what you do to help others, you are extremely professional, highly intelligent and beyond skilled in your profession, you are real- relatable, fair and very level headed person.  I am grateful you were born-you have a gift that not many possess, which is the gift to help others to see themselves from an outside point of view.

So when you are having an extremely challenging, trying, frustrating, wanting to throw in the towel kind of a day or feel like no one could possibly understand what it is that you do here-take a moment and reread this letter and let it be a reminder to you of how you have saved me and given me the most special gift of all-a chance at a new life-a second chance-the ability to show the world how I can shine! You have done that-YOU!  You are here at Blue Sky’s for a reason- doing one of the most challenging jobs on the face of the Earth, one of which not many people can or want to understand what you do or how you could possibly have have the patience, resilience, willingness and motivation to do what you do-but you have a rare gift and that is to help rehabilitate the people of this world that not many wants to help- you see the good in these people-the potential in all that come here-that is a true gift from God. What you do will never go unnoticed by me ever and I will be forever grateful to you-And I thought you should know. So, thank you!

Respectfully,

SEMP AKA Fran Martin

2019

So my advice to you is that if you are ever thinking of going to therapy know that there is nothing wrong with that, there is nothing wrong with you. It doesn’t make you less of a person it actually makes you a brave person who cares about their own mental health and it is a form of self-care.

You may have thought about seeing a therapist at one point or another. Perhaps you talked yourself out of it or convinced yourself that if you just wait a little while longer, the problem might go away.

Or maybe you’re still questioning if you should talk to someone but aren’t sure it’s a priority for you right now.

Knowing when to see a therapist can be a little challenging sometimes. After all, everyone has a bad day or goes through a rough patch every now and again, but how do you know when talking to someone might help?

The following list outlines some of the reasons you may benefit from speaking to a therapist. Of course these are not the only reasons to seek out a therapist, but this list can help you make your decision.

I hope this helped someone tonight. I truly enjoy writing these blogs they are very therapeutic for me.

Thank you and Good Night. Until next Friday

 “I never get tired of the blue sky.” – Vincent Van Gogh