April 12, 2024

To Our Dearest Son Jason,

Mommy and Daddy want to write a letter to you to let you know how incredibly much you are loved by us. We both remember it was a snowy Monday of February 16, 2015. Daddy brought me to The Olive Garden for dinner because I wanted to go there for my last meal before I went into the hospital to have you. When you go into the hospital as soon as they admit you can’t eat anything until after your baby is born. I ordered what I always ordered there, the fettucine alfredo and a Shirley Temple. After we were done eating Daddy drove me to the hospital. I can remember sitting in the car with Daddy listening to a Journey song entitled Faithfully. We both listened to the entire song and then turned to each other and said, “well this is it there is no turning back now.”

The doctors said that you were due on February 9, 2015 but Daddy and I knew that you would be born on February 18^th, 2024 because you were created on May 18, 2014. We knew that I would be pregnant with you for 10 months. I was technically pregnant for ten months, not nine. So, Daddy and I knew. As soon as we got settled into the hospital I started having deep pains because they induced me. Monday went by and Tuesday came and finally at midnight they the doctors gave me an epidural. Epidurals are a common procedure to provide pain relief or a lack of feeling for labor and childbirth. I had Daddy in the room, Auntie Sue and Auntie Em in the room with me on Wednesday when it was time to push. I remember the nurse coming in and saying, “okay it’s time to push”. It was around noon time and I was scared. I never had been through this before, but I had a support team of people with me in the room to help even including my Doula, Angel. A doula is a woman who is hired by the parents to provide guidance and support to the mother of a newborn during labor and delivery. Even though I was so scared I was so excited to meet you for the first time. Grammy wanted to come in, but she couldn’t and I really wish that she was there to see you being born.

I started to push and didn’t feel anything because of the epidural. But then as time went on the epidural had worn off and I could feel everything. It was extremely painful. Then I started to spike a fever and Dr. Kontarines, the doctor that delivered you, said to me that if I didn’t give one more good push to get you out that they were going to have to do a C-Section to deliver you. A C-Section is otherwise known as a cesarean delivery or also known as a C-Section and it is used to deliver the baby through surgical incisions in the abdomen and the uterus. So I took a deep breath and pushed as hard as I could and at approximately 3:40PM on Wednesday, February 18, 2015 you were born, 7 pounds and 9 oz. You were perfect. Jason Robert was here. The nurses took you and you screamed and screamed and they had to do a lot of things to you before they handed you to me. When they weighed you on the scale you peed all over daddy. The nurses even made a cute joke that they thought that you would come out on a tricycle because you were moving around in me so much.  Finally, they cleaned you off and handed you to me and when I first saw you I was in love. When Daddy first saw you he was in love. I never knew what true love was until I held you close to my chest. Daddy was so happy. Auntie Sue and Auntie Em were crying out of pure joy. Those moments were special, magical and they will forever will be the moments that bond all of us together.

Daddy and I didn’t realize how much we wanted you until you came into our world. You were a very easy going baby. We enjoyed spending so much time with you. We would read books to you all of the time, play with you and talk to you, sing to you and take many, many pictures of you. I would bring you in the bed with me and Daddy and I would hold you in a way that I wouldn’t roll over onto you during the night while sleeping. We never let you cry in your crib, we couldn’t stand to hear your cries, we just couldn’t do that to you. We felt that it was too traumatic for you and it was traumatic for us too. So, you slept with us.

As time went on and you began to grow, oh how quickly you were growing you started to develop a personality of your own. Jason Robert you are an Aquarius by sign. Aquarians are highly intellectual and creative. They are very independent people and they don’t like to be instructed what to do. While they can be social, they are not likely to participate in social interactions unless they truly want to. Aquarians are ideas people, never suffering a drought of inspiration. Aquarius is known for their sharp mind and generous heart. They’re total individuals and they fascinate everyone around them. There are few things that make Aquarius as happy as having the freedom and independence to explore their interests and passions. Humanitarians at heart, Aquarians are also incredibly passionate about fairness, and are happiest when they are making the world a better place for everyone.

Everything described about an Aquarius is you Jason to a T. Jason you are a kind hearted soul, who is always thinking of others and giving to others. You have a good relationship with God and believe in him wholeheartedly. You are very, very loving and show your affections in many ways towards others. You are extremely strong willed. You are intense and are high spirited and have a strong mind. You have always been strong willed and when you want something out of life you always figure out a way to get it. Daddy and I know that when you grow up you will be something great because strong willed children grow into adults who have substantial leadership skills and become very successful. You are not afraid to stick up for yourself and the ones that you love. Daddy and I admire these traits within you.  Jason Robert you are loyal and love your family so incredibly much especially your family. You are extremely close to your cousin Ava and it is a beautiful thing to see such a deep bond that you both have together. You are loving with your cousin Albert and always try to make him smile. You are loving with your cousins in Staten Island and look up to Brandon like a brother it’s really sweet. You are extremely hard working, creative, artistic and very athletic with a competitive streak in you. You always tell the truth and want others to tell the truth. You believe in fairness. You are good in school and get good grades which Daddy and I are so proud of you for. When you were little, little you were always imaginative and you would build these car cities, train cities and Lego cities with such detail. It was amazing to see. You say what is on your heart and you want others to say what is on their hearts too to you. You want to be connected to others and feel a connection and validation from others. There are just so many wonderful things that we could continue to say about you.

We love how present you are in moments in time. We love how excited you get about life it’s mesmerizing to see. We hope that you always feel safe with us. We will always do our best to validate you.

What Daddy and I want you to know is how incredibly proud we always are of you and how loved you are by us. You could never truly know how deep our love is for you. We will always do anything for you, we love you unconditionally. We would give our lives for you to be saved.  There isn’t anything in this lifetime that we wouldn’t do for you. We want to let you know that you can do and be anything in this life if you just work hard at it. You will always be our baby no matter what age you are. You are growing up so fast that it seems like time is flying right by. We want to make time stop somehow and preserve your childhood for these are the best days of your life. We want to preserve your innocence.   We want to let you know that all the moments in-between have been magical for us. We are blessed to have you as our son. We thank God each and every day that he gave us such a wonderful gift.

We want you to know that no matter what age you are that you can always come to us with anything that may be bothering you, concerning you, upsetting you, frustrating, you exciting you or whatever it may be. We promise to listen and not judge and help you through whatever it may be. We want you to share all of your good experiences with us too even when you grow up get married and have a family of your own, we want to be a part of it hopefully.  Just know that we will be here.

When Daddy and I go to heaven don’t learn to live without us just learn to live with our love in a different way. And if you need to see us close your eyes or look in your shadow when the sunshine’s we will be there with you. Sit with us in the quiet and you will know that we did not leave you. There is no leaving when three souls are blended with one another. When we go don’t learn to live without us just learn to look for us in the moments. We will always be there with you Our Love Jason.

Love,

Mommy and Daddy xoxoxo

xoxoxo